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Autism in a marriage

I see so many times on social media and forums where someone asks if people with autism can live a married life. It most certainly can be done, but it takes a lot of work and understanding by both parties.

How can I know this for sure? My husband of 18 years has HFA, or high functioning autism. We did not find this out until about 11 years into our marriage, and it actually saved it. Our marriage was heading to the toilet, I was buying a house and my husband was making plans to move.

In this same time period I was struggling to figure out what was going on with our son. Finding out he had Aspergers turned a light bulb on. I was able to piece together what I read about Aspergers and saw glimmers of my husband, who was later found to have HFA.

Now I wanted to work on saving our marriage. I started to learn all the things I needed to do a little differently for our son and for my husband.

I stopped using metaphors and cliches and worked to make sure my words could be taken literally, because they would. Turns out actions are treated the same way! I thought my husband had lost interest, I even climbed in bed naked one night to no avail. Much later I learned he just thought I was hot. As in excessively warm. 😉

Communication has been the key. Sometimes its hard but he and I will talk until he can finally express what’s bothering him. I work hard at being very straightforward and try not to get frustrated when things don’t go right.

Our household is nothing if not interesting!